he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
