Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
