I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
