She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
