He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
