The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
