I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
