It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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