but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
