i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
