I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
