he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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