who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
