If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
