i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we're so committed to being not committed
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
