We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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