she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
