she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
