when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
