Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
