the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
