I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
