I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need water and some morals
Randomize
