I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
