you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
