I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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