After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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