I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
