ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
