You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
