Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
