Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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