My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
