Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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