Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So vagazzling was a success
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
