i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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