You made me cry and you don't even care
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
