You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
