somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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