so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
