after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
