I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
