I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
