there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
