I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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