there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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