you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
