Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's just like the Real World with babies
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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