The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
