i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
